Category Archives: husbands
If you were to come into my home and listen in on some of our family conversations in the house, you would hear me getting onto my kids periodically for different things. Sometimes it has to do with the way they treat each other. Sometimes it has to do what they are saying about someone else.
But none of those even come close to the one thing I’m always all over them about. It’s a small thing really, but in the long run it’s a big thing. My wife might even tell you that I get onto them so quickly about manners that I sometimes fail to give them the chance to use them. Maybe so. But manners are a big deal to me.
This was only reinforced during my time in North Carolina. It seemed like every where we went, people were only too willing to extend a hand of common courtesy. Letting you pull into a space in front of them. Starting a conversation with you as if you had been friends since birth. The kindness to give us a free sweet tea, not because we ordered one, but because you were just extending a hand of good, old fashioned, southern hospitality.
Granted, some of these examples go beyond manners, but it starts with the basics, “Please,” and, “Thank you.”
I want to help my kids grow to be respectful and kind to people around them. I don’t want them thinking they are above treating people respectfully for the things they do for them. Some days my kids are really on the ball with manners. Other days I go to bed with a sore throat.
Still, being at the beach simply reinforced for me my stand on manners.
What do you think about manners?
Once again this summer I am spending a week, sitting on the sand of Carolina Beach, North Carolina. I’m soaking up a lot of sun and family time. It has been a great week.
Last summer after our trip to the beach, I posted a series of three blogs about the lessons I was learning while at the beach. You can find those here or by searching for posts on, “Beach.”
This year I picked up a couple things as well. For instance, the danger of always saying, “Tomorrow,” or, “Maybe later.”
While swimming in the ocean, my sons said, “Dad, can we boogie board?”
“Of course,” was my reply.
“Hey Dad, can we have soda with our dinner?”
“Absolutely,” I would say.
“Dad, can I tell you about these facts I’m reading about in my book?”
“I’d love to hear them,” I would say.
But at home, too often the answer is, “Maybe tomorrow. I’m tired. I’ll get to you later. Maybe next week we can do that. No, you can’t have soda for supper.”
And before you know it, tomorrow becomes ten years and you aren’t sure where the time went. Then you live in regret because you missed some of your kid’s best moments.
So, yes, there is a danger in too many “tomorrows.”
Do you have a son you should be playing catch with? Do you have a daughter you should be having a tea party or playing Barbies with? Do you have a child you should be listening to because they have questions about something they read?
Did you just tell them, “In a minute,” because you just had to finish reading this blog? (I hope not.)
Try changing your answer and watch their eyes light up.
Last fall I played in a men’s flag football league in Fairfax, Virginia. It was a blast. One of my teammates was named, Bryan. He and I played defense on the same side of the field (this meant we got to know each other really well). He had a great phrase he would use during crucial moments of a game. He would look at me right in the eyes and say, “Time to do work, Rodda! Do work!” Granted, the grammar isn’t great, but the phrase gets the job
did done. That phrase and his intensity always challenged me to run a little faster, to jump higher and work harder than the guy lined up across from me.
Now jumping to present day life. Our Campus had an awesome Sunday. Our theme was, “Get Right With God.” We had really cool stories lined up for people to tell about how God has impacted their lives. We talked a lot about the Jordan River and water in Scripture. It seems to me that water, especially the Jordan, carries some powerful significance to God. Every time the Jordan is mentioned, it seems there is some transition in life, something leading to victory and hope.
- Jesus’ baptism in the Jordan
- Moses’ passing the mantle of leadership to Joshua
- Elijah passing the mantle of leadership to Elisha
We challenged people to come to the banks of the Jordan. To get their feet wet. To make a commitment. To dive all in for God. To give Him full control of their lives. To immerse themselves in the waters of baptism.
Then, we handed them a card. We challenged them to fill out the card and to tell us about a commitment they might need to make. We also asked them to tell us how we could pray for them. What things in life were holding them back from giving God their all and how we could we be praying for them.
Then it happened. I sat down that afternoon to read the cards. I began to pray for individuals by name who were going through some very serious things in life. And to think they trusted us enough to tell us what was going on behind closed doors. I believe it was a huge moment in the life of our Campus.
One man wrote…
I want to serve as a better example for my family – wife and kids. To live a life with God and Jesus in control.
…the strength to save my family.
And still another said…
My marriage. It is dying.
And this was just the beginning. As I prayed for these people and families, I was overwhelmed with emotion for them. I was blown away by their honesty and their stories. And that’s when it hit me. Do work!
Satan is doing work. He’s working. He’s getting after it. He’s destroying lives. He’s lying to people about what brings fulfillment and purpose. Oh yes, Satan does work!
Am I ready to, ‘Do work?’
The field is there. The people are ready. The hearts and souls of people are open and ready for transformation. As my friend Bryan would say, “It’s time to ‘Do work!'”
When you say it like that, it seems like a long time. I mean, nine years is a long time, right? Nine is almost ten and ten is a decade. A decade is a really long time, right?
If you start at zero it takes you an entire 3,285 days, 78,840 hours, 4,730,400 minutes, 283,824,000 seconds to get to nine years. That’s a long time, right?
Surely that time goes by so slowly. Every second, minute, month and year ticks by in an agonizingly, slow fashion. You can’t get there fast enough, right?
Well, apparently not. I mean, it was only last week when he was a tiny, newborn baby in my arms.
Then I blinked and this happened…
What the what?
Where did my more than 4 million minutes with him go?
How did 283 million seconds tick by so quickly?
Is this the feeling I’m supposed to have when the Bible tells me to, “take advantage of every opportunity?”
My son, you are so amazing! You are growing up to be an exceptional young man. I am blessed to have you in my life. Thank you so much for making this journey special. I love you with all my heart and will be here for you as long as I live. I pray for you everyday and it is my deepest desire that you choose to live your life for Jesus Christ!
I love you, Grant Isaac (Great Laughter)! Happy 9th Birthday!
Let’s just be honest, many men don’t truly value their wives. Let me be more honest, I have not always valued my wife the way God expects me to. For that, I am eternally in debt to my amazing wife.
My guess is that most of you who read this blog have probably heard a song by Bruno Mars called, “Just The Way Your Are.” I’m not necessarily a fan of Bruno Mars personally, but I truly enjoy this song and wish that all men felt this way about their wives.
I want to challenge every man out there who has a spouse, is engaged or who would like to be married some day; when you have a wife, cherish her, love her, sacrifice for her, die on the side of a mountain for her. It doesn’t matter to me if you are on to your second or third marriage (or more), but if you will love your wife the way God intends, you will see your marriage bloom into something amazing.
Ephesians 5 offers some guiding principles. Some people take offense to them. Men believe they can never live up to them. But let me tell you where God stands on your marriage. God says this in Ephesians 5:25-27 (Message)…
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church-a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness.
Your love for your wife should reflect the love Jesus has for the church. Jesus died for the church!
Your love for your wife should make her whole and complete. Does your love for her leave her feeling as if she is whole and complete? Or does she feel like something is missing?
Your love for your wife should bring out her best to your family and the world. How do you speak about your wife to your friends, neighbors and co-workers? Is she the “old ball and chain?” Or is she so much more than that to you?
Your love for your wife should bring out the best in her. If something isn’t right, don’t blame her first. Look at yourself and ask if you’re doing everything in your power to bring out the best in her or are you putting her in no-win situations.
Your love for your wife should have her looking holy, blameless and radiant to everyone on the planet. Can you say that you do that for your wife?
This passage is a great challenge. I believe that if men took it on fully, they would find the most satisfying and rewarding relationship with their wives. Everything would change if men would follow through on their role in the family. I wish I could say that I have lived this perfectly. I strive for this standard, but often I fall miserably short.
I mentioned Bruno Mars because I think that men (and women) go into a marriage or relationship thinking the other person will change. We often view the other as a project or someone we can fix. And when that philosophy doesn’t pan out, we give up. The relationship ends. And in many cases, the lives of those involved will never be the same.
So I’m posting the Bruno Mars song (I can’t vouch for comments on YouTube nor can I vouch for the ads). You should listen to it. Bruno isn’t perfect either I’m sure, but the words say a lot about how men should look at their wives (not other women walking by, by the way). And at the risk of sounding sacrilegious, I have even imagined Jesus singing this song to the church. When the church is on its game, smiling like Jesus knows we can, the whole world takes notice.
God has given you a helper, men. And when you treat her the way God expects, you will not experience a better relationship with anyone, ever, on this planet. So get out there and love your wife like you’re supposed to. Sacrifice for her. Bring out the best in her. Never leave her.